Hearing the music

Listening to music.  There is a indie folk song, on the radio.  It is a catchy song, at least it caught my ear.   When I listen, I hear the pieces and parts of the song.  Chord changes, instrumentation, mixing,  pace and dynamics.  Guess it is years of playing in orchestras and ensembles that gave me, afforded me, taught me, this perspective.

And in the music, I can faintly hear my ambition saying, " I could be on the radio.  I could do that!  It would be easy."  In some instances, I actually think I could do it better.  I catch myself, and quickly self-clarify, the idea of better doesn't exist in comparison to others.     

Then I question, "Is my music pleasing to more people than the guy on the radio?"  My gut says "yes".  My fan feedback says, "yes".  Plus I just LOVE playing music.  Something inside me exudes through my pores when I play.... sing.   I need it.

What I feel is undeniable.  What I see in terms of support and feedback to continue, (ie: money, recognition, more yes'es-than-no's) is minimal.    Why am I listening to this guy on the radio, and this guy is not listening to me?     Confidence?  marketing skills?  Naivete...simply thinking that I could produce a CD, then it would magically sell across the nation, playing on the radio, then finally making enough money to quit your day job  and focus solely, rather soul-ly, on music.

As a young girl, I never dreamed of my wedding day, being married or even having a husband.  But I can remember every detail of my dream of hearing my song on the radio, for the first time.  Every detail.