It has been a while since I have written. Lots has happened; lots hasn't happened. I moved, lived, in and out of a relationship that wasn't healthy for either of us, discovered a serious health issue, took years of dedication to fix it to the level where I feel close to normal. I feel strong. I am strong.
Sure there are things I would like different in my life. Patience. I keep hearing that word in my head. patience little one, you shall move through this to a higher place. A higher ground.
I start fresh. Yet, I bring with me this lingering chaos in my mind. Not the back of my mind, but the front. It is there, every day, haunting me for a life that I was never suppose to live. Oppressed by haters, a much too familiar stance for me. It was familiar, and in a way brought me comfort. Because it was those that were closest to me, who expressed the most ill. Closest to me, only in my mind.
Yes, my mind was the thing that stopped me dead in my tracks. This little vision of what gets you further in life. support. love. security. foundation. My foundation sucked. I tried to build several houses on it, only to fail miserably. So i came back to where it all began, to better see my foundation. After years in attempts to glue together the cracked cement, I realize that there are people with jack hammers, hammering away at my soul. And I let them onto my property. I allowed it.
So it's a big awakening. I need not glue the cracks in my concrete. Instead, I must mill the lime, collect the sand, and mine the granite; combining them with water to pour a new foundation. And in this I will cement joy, love and prosperity into my new life. Hard work. Unconditional love. and a really big fence.
Copyright 2014 Yvonne Ramage.
